Our Phantom Canyon: A Journey Into the Unknown

Time Doesn't Always Change Things

2011-08-28T20:59:00.000-05:00

It has been a year and a half since we saw your beautiful face. We miss you just as much today as the first day you left us. I have missed you even more this week and I have needed to talk to you and get your advice so many times. I wish you were here. I love you.

On This Day

2011-07-08T23:21:00.000-05:00

On this day, two years ago we got the news that sent us into a tailspin. We got the news that Mom had leukemia. And our second less fun and less beautiful but very heartbreaking Phantom Canyon journey began.

Catching Up

2011-06-05T14:51:00.000-05:00

Well, it has been over a month since I have come over here. I don't really have much to say over here anymore. Mom is gone, our hearts are still broken and nothing will ever change that. I still have days when I just can't believe that I won't see her or talk to her. Then there are the days when a lady at church asks me "How is your Mom doing?" what she really means is "How is your Grandmother doing?" but she always always says my Mom. Man that is like getting something stabbed into your heart every time she does it. It has made me try to avoid her these days. I know that isn't the right thing to do but, oh well, that is life and that is how I am handling it.
I guess the only thing that has changed recently is that Dad is now retired. It was time and he was ready. He has gotten his classroom cleaned out and that was kinda hard. . .for me at least. Mom's touch was there as it is in all of our houses and such so it is just one more thing that isn't anymore. I hope that Dad enjoys his retirement and that he can find enough to keep himself busy!
Since I don't blog over here very often, if you are wondering what we are up to you can always go here and check out my blog.
Happy summer friends.

Happy Birthday

2011-04-27T22:26:00.001-05:00

Happy birthday Mom! We love you and miss you so much.

Flowers for Mom

2011-04-10T22:41:00.000-05:00

I miss you so much.

Spring

2011-03-21T23:01:00.001-05:00

This was Mom's time of the year. She would make her yard look beautiful and then she would work on G-mom's and do the same thing. I miss flower shopping, mulch buying, and just talking about the different flowers. I really miss my Mom. I miss everything about her. . . .and so does Dad. And everyone else.

One Year

2011-03-01T08:13:00.000-06:00

One year ago today, I got a phone call from my sister RAW asking if I had talked to my Dad that morning. She had been trying to get a hold of him and couldn’t. I told her that I would put some clothes on and run up to the hospital to check on him. I got to the hospital and he was there, Mom had continued to stay agitated during the night and he hadn’t turned his phone back on. Although I had not come to the hospital planning to stay all day (I had planned to go back home and get cleaned up . . .I didn’t even have on any socks with my tennis shoes) but I ended up not leaving. That morning the doctor told my Dad that if there was not significant improvement in Mom’s health, we had probably a week left with her. My sister from out of town came with her family and my other sister came from work (one of her students called his parents from her classroom and they rushed to be with us). Family and friends surrounded us with prayers and much love. We all gathered around Mom’s bed and told her that we were ready to let her go if that was God’s plan. She quietly slipped away as we told her how much we loved her.

Since that day many tears have been shed, many milestones crossed, many memories replayed and many hugs given. For those of you who didn’t know my Mom, you missed getting to know a very Godly, loving, caring, wonderful woman. For those of you did, you understand the loss of a woman who caused the sun to shine just a little brighter.

I take comfort in knowing that she is in heaven and is holding my babies but that doesn’t make the ache in my heart any less. I miss the time we used to spend together, the fun we had as a family, and the projects she was never afraid to take on. I miss knowing that she was just a phone call away when I needed her for anything.

Today we wear orange in your memory Mom. We love you and miss you. I still can’t believe it has been a year.

PS: We are taking care of Dad. He misses you so much.

To Remember

2011-02-28T09:53:00.002-06:00

Tomorrow in honor of my Mom I will be wearing orange. I would love it if you would too and post a picture of yourself wearing your orange (and email it to me). It can be a ribbon, flower, ring, necklace, shirt, socks, whatever (be creative). I just want everyone to remember my Mom and what a wonderful person she was. I also want to remember those who have fought Leukemia/Lymphoma and won and to remember those like my beautiful Mom who fought a couragous battle against the disease and won but left us because her body had fought so hard.

My email address is tls_giggles at yahoo dot com.

Big Hopes and Dreams

2011-02-26T19:30:00.000-06:00

One year ago today I got a phone call from my Dad letting me know that we were heading to Houston and that Mom was coming HOME! We were so very hopeful that we were on the home stretch and that our Mom was going to be ok We were ALL going to be ok. We had such big hopes and dreams and they would soon come crashing down around us and crushing us. . . .breaking our hearts.

Little Reminders and Big Memories

2011-02-26T19:28:00.000-06:00

I just looked at Dad's roll sheet and saw his Countdown to Retirement count and it is at 60. Wow! Today I am subbing for my Dad and his kids are doing independent work (thank goodness because I know nothing about drafting!) so I have been deleting email from my account. I had over 900 and have gotten it down to the 500 range. While going through them I have been reminded of the kinds words spoken by our friends during Mom's fight and since. You will never now how much your friendship, phone calls, cards, e-mails, facebook comments and prayers have meant to my family over the past 19 months. Nineteen months that were not what we expected. How much your love and care and hugs have meant. Somedays it is what gets us through the day. Thank you. We will never be able to thank you enough. You all are wonderful people.

Today at lunch I had an ice cream sandwich. For most people that isn't anything life shattering or anything but for me it brought back memories of my Mom. You see for one week while I was staying with her, that was about all I could get her to eat. I would go down to the cafeteria in the afternoon and would get either a regular ice cream sandwich or the cookies and cream kind and we would share it. Which meant that she would take a bite or two or three if I was lucky and then I would have the rest of it. It really made me miss my Mom (as if I needed anything else to help with that) and wish that I could get a hug from her. I need a hug and to hear her encouraging words. She could always make you believe that you could do no matter what it was that you set your mind to. She was just wonderful like that, don't you think?

Happy Valentine's Day

2011-02-14T21:48:00.000-06:00

Roses are red.
Violets are blue.
We love you a lot
and we're missing you too.

I remember last years Valentine's day because I got to spend it with you. I really wish I was spending this one with you too. We spent time with Dad, Rae, Lou Ellen and GMom tonight but we were missing you so much. Love you Mom.

11

2011-02-02T18:16:00.001-06:00

‎11 months ago today. I remember that day so vividly. Some days it seems like yesterday and other days it seems like such a long time ago. Miss you Mom and love you so very much.

It's Been A While. . . . .

2011-01-27T21:42:00.000-06:00

I know. Sometimes it is just too hard to come over here and write about what is going on. I know that a few of you still come by. The month of January was hard with two funerals in two weeks. As I said before, one of them had music from my Granddad's funeral and you could hear Mom singing. It was a bittersweet thing. It was great to hear her voice but so hard to know that the only way we will hear it is to listen to a tape.
I was looking back and my posts from this time last year. We were so hopeful. Mom seemed to be doing better, getting stronger, ready to come back home to us. I really wish I knew what happened and why it happened. We need her, there is no way around it. I had a bad day yesterday and I really, really needed to talk to her. I needed her to tell me things were going to be ok, that she loved me and that she would see me at church. I woke up yesterday missing her so much.
Dad is winding up his last year of public school teaching. I know he is ready and I know that he hadn't planned to spend his retirement alone. I am worried about him and what he is going to do. I remember listening to them talk about the trips they were going to take once he retired. They were going to see the leaves change and they were going to go on an Alaskan cruise. My heart hurts for him and for us girls. Well, for everyone who loved her. People say it gets easier with time but I don't believe it. I know that in the past three years the pain I feel at the loss of our baby is still as strong as it was the day it happened.
Well, this isn't what I had planned on writing about but I guess it is just what was on my mind the most.

Singing

2011-01-08T22:43:00.002-06:00

We listened to my Mom sing today. Of course it was on a tape but it was beautiful just the same. We miss her so much.

10 months

2011-01-02T21:52:00.000-06:00

I can't believe that it has been 10 months already. We have now made it through all of our birthdays, anniversarys, Thanksgiving and Christmas. It has not been easy and the Christmas holidays were some of the hardest (at least for me) because Mom loved this holiday so much. She loved getting the house decorated and having everyone together. I miss Mom so much and I don't think that the pain of her being gone is ever going to get better. I love you Mom and miss you so very much.

End of 2010

2011-01-02T21:51:00.000-06:00

It is hard to believe that this time last year we were still at MD Anderson and thought that Mom would soon be coming home. We had already been there for two months and spent two major holidays apart. We left 2009 thinking that 2010 would be much better because Mom would be coming home soon.

We have now gone through everyone's birthday and the major holidays (except Valentines day). The ache is still there. I still spend a lot of time with tears in my eyes and hurt in my heart. I hope that 2011 is better.
I hope that those of you who still stop by have a Happy New Year.

Merry Christmas

2010-12-25T01:42:00.000-06:00

Merry Christmas from our house to yours. May you enjoy time spent with those dear to you.

So Not Ready

2010-12-13T21:10:00.000-06:00

I have no idea what year this picture was taken. I wish we were taking a picture with the four of us this year. I miss my Mom so much. I have to say that the last few weeks have been awful. We should be finishing our Christmas shopping, she would help me come up with gifts for Darrell's co-workers, she would put my lights on my Christmas tree, I would help her do whatever she needed and we would just enjoy being together. I am still so lost without her. I am so far behind with getting my stuff ready for Christmas and I don't know if I will get caught up. I am not looking forward to the holidays.

Nine months

2010-12-01T22:36:00.000-06:00

Nine months ago today God called you home. We miss you very much. There are so many things I want to tell you or just talk to you about. So many things I need your help with. Hugs that only you could give. I love you.

Thanksgiving 2010

2010-11-25T20:45:00.000-06:00

We wish each and everyone of you a very Happy Thanksgiving. Our year has not been what we had hoped for but we thank you for your continued thoughts, prayers and love.

Have a wonderful day with the ones you love!

Keep Your Fork

2010-11-21T22:01:00.000-06:00

A woman was diagnosed with a terminal illness and given three months to live. She asked her preacher to come by her house to discuss her funeral.
She told him which songs she wanted sung at the service, what scriptures to read, and what dress she wanted to be buried in. She also requested to be buried with her favorite Bible. As he prepared to leave, she suddenly remembered one more thing. "I have one more request," she said excitedly. "What's that?" the preacher replied. "This is very important,: she continued. "I want to be buried with a fork in my right hand."
The preacher looked at her, not knowing quite what to say.
"That surprises you?" she asked?
"To be honest, I am puzzled," he replied.
The woman explained, "In all my years of attending church fellowships and potluck dinners, I always remembered that when the dishes were being cleared, someone would inevitably lean over and say, 'Keep your fork.' It was my favorite park, because I knew that meant something better was coming. . .like velvety chocolate cake or deep-dish apple pie. Something wonderful! So I want people to see me in that casket with a fork in my hand. When they ask you, 'What's with the fork?' Then I want you to tell them, 'She believed the best was yet to come.'"

I received a copy of House to House, Heart to Heart from the Jacksonville church of Christ in Alabama and this was in there. It made me think of Mom for a couple of reasons, one being that Mom loved dessert. . . .a lot and second she believed that the best was yet to come and now she is being able to enjoy it. BUT that doesn't make us miss her any less or hurt any less. It does help to remind me that she is in a much better place without the worries, hurts, problems that we have. I love you Mom and I know that you are enjoying the best.

Memories

2010-11-10T10:13:00.000-06:00

When I think of my Mom, so many things come to mind. One of them was her love of the beauty of God's creation. We miss you Mom. Your absence is felt everyday and in everything we do.

8 Months Ago

2010-11-03T14:04:00.000-05:00

I know I say something like this every month but it is the truth. It is still so hard. Just today as I was pulling out of parking lot I thought of something and said to myself, "I need to call Mom and tell her about this.". It slaps me in the face every time. I miss her.

Happy Halloween

2010-10-31T21:57:00.000-05:00

Just wanted to share a couple more pictures of Mom and her fun loving self.

Wednesday

2010-10-27T15:35:00.000-05:00

This time last year we were waiting for Mom's white blood count to begin moving up after the transplant. Gosh, that seems like such a long time ago. It is amazing how different our lives are. This was my week to stay with Mom and I desperately wish that I could do that again. Just to spend time with her, to tell her I love her, to give her a hug. I miss talking to her every day, shopping with her, knowing that she was around to answer questions, give a word of advice, just being my Mom.

Dear Mom: I miss you so much.. Life is so different without you. Please know that we all love you and wish you were here with us.

365 Days Later

2010-10-14T09:38:00.004-05:00

This time one year ago today Dad, Rae and I were already headed to MD Anderson to spend the day with Mom and B because today was the day. Today she was getting her stemcell transplant which as going to make her better and we were going to do this as we did everything else important. . . .as a family. It began day 100 of her stay in Houston before she could come back home to us. We had so much hope that day. The transplant took an hour, that was it, 60 minutes. Mom just had to lay in bed and we just had to hang out with her and enjoy being a family. Today, 365 days later, our life is not what we expected. We miss her. The sun shine is a little less bright, the grass a little less green, our laughter a little quieter, our hearts a whole lot broken, our feelings a little more fragile, and our world a whole lot less happy. Because you never know what life is going to hand to you, make sure you tell those you love how much you love them and never take your time together for granted. We love you Mom and miss you. Everyone misses you. I hope we are making you proud. We are taking care of Daddy as best we can (no one will ever be able to take care of him like you did). We love you.

Weekend

2010-10-10T21:30:00.002-05:00

I missed you so much this weekend, we all missed you. My heart has been hurting so much knowing that I was going to have to celebrate a milestone without you. Wish you could have celebrated with us.

7 Months

2010-10-03T20:48:00.002-05:00

This past Friday was 7 months since we lost Mom. I still have a hard time believing that she is really gone. I still miss her so much every single day. This morning in church I kept smelling Mom's perfume. I don't know why. I am almost positive that no one wears the perfume that she wore so maybe it was just Mom telling me HI. I still have a moment every time we are at church that I really have to try my hardest not to cry because I miss her. This week is going to be hard for me and I am sure that I will spend a lot of time with tears for my Mom. I hope she knows how much I love her and how much we miss her.

Singing

2010-09-29T22:13:00.002-05:00

Mom would have enjoyed church tonight. It was 5th Wednesday night singing and it was really good. We had two of our little boys lead and one of the little bit older boys lead some songs. It was all I could do to keep from crying.

Miss you Mom. I love you.

Fall

2010-09-27T10:48:00.003-05:00

We are quickly approaching the time of year that Mom really enjoyed. The cool mornings, fall decorations and holidays. It makes me miss her. This time of year would have us a Hobby Lobby or Michael's looking at the holiday decorations and talking about starting our Christmas shopping. We miss you Mom.

Wordless Wednesday

2010-09-22T10:57:00.001-05:00

Miss you so much Mom

Leukemia and Lymphoma Awareness Month

2010-09-19T20:31:00.003-05:00

Every 4 minutes one person is diagnosed with a blood cancer.

Every ten minutes, someone dies from a blood cancer. This statistic represents nearly 148 people each day, or more than six people every hour. An estimated 52,310 will die from one this year. This month is Leukemia and Lymphoma Awareness month. My mom was one of the 52,310 this year.

What can we do to help find a cure?

Thursday Thoughts

2010-09-16T10:49:00.004-05:00

Dear Mom,

We just want you to know how much we love and miss you. Not a day goes by that we don't think of you. The sky is not as blue, the grass is not as green and our smiles are not as bright without you.

Love,

Those who love you

Rae, Mom & Dad

Wordless Wednesday

2010-09-08T19:26:00.002-05:00

Last week Rae said that when she sees the sun shining through the clouds like this, she likes to think that it is Mom waving at her. This was taken while Mom was still with us but it made me think of her and what Rae had said.

Not Much

2010-09-05T20:01:00.003-05:00

Not much is going on around here besides the everyday things of life. Dad and my hubby have to work tomorrow. So far I am off (no sub jobs), Rae is off and the Metroplex part of the family is off. The weather is still pretty warm and we still haven't gotten any rain. We are supposed to have a very high chance for rain this week so I am keeping my fingers crossed.

Today we headed to the Hill to celebrate G-mom W's 86th birthday. We had a nice day but as with all of the family celebrations we have had, it just isn't the same. My grandmother's brother sang and dedicated a song to G-mom and Papaw and to Mom and Dad. I couldn't even pay attention to the words of the song.

Anyway, just wanted to share this picture. I took it at the Johnson's farm where we celebrated the short people's birthdays. We were out fishing at sunset.

6 Months

2010-09-01T09:52:00.003-05:00

Today like everyday I think of you from the time I wake up til I go to bed.

I miss your smile, your laugh, your hugs, your encouraging words, your kisses.

Everywhere I look at your house, grandmommy's house or anywhere outside, I see you in the things you did there.

When I see the cows, I think of how you took care of them.

When I look at Dad, I see a sadness that will never go away because of the love you had for each other.

When I see Becca or Rae, I remember the fun times we had and then the hurt hits because we won't be creating anymore memories like that.

When I look at your grandkids I see two sweet children who miss their Memom. I see all of the things they will do that you won't be here for.

When I look at Darrell or Steven, I see two sons-in-law who although they had an idea of how wonderful you were didn't get to spend enough time with you to understand it all.

When I look at Grandmommy I see one who lost her daughter and misses her so much and I see another one who lost her very loving and caring daughter in law.

When I look at Diane, I see someone who misses her sister and the closeness they shared.

When I look at your brothers in law and sisters in law, nieces, nephews and cousins, I see a family who misses your jokes, smile and kindness.

When I look at our church family, I see people miss the loving way you were to them.

When I look at myself I see a person who has a huge hole in her heart, misses you very much, has questions for you, who wants to be the person you know I can be and to be proud of me.

Mom, we love you and miss you. We are doing the best that we can to be the people you want us to be.

Time Marches On

2010-08-22T21:17:00.002-05:00

It is hard to believe how even when things change so drastically in your life that time continues to march on. Tomorrow begins another school year. Dad will be starting his 30+ year of teaching and after so many years there aren't always a lot of changes but this year there is. This will be the first time that Mom won't send him off on his first day of school with a hug, a kiss and an I love you more. It will be the first year that won't start with her taking him lunch. Even last year as sick as she was some days we would get lunch to him (I know he ended the year with out it but it is still different). Rae will be starting her 11th year of teaching and coaching. This will be her first year of Mom not seeing any of her volleyball games, or calling her to check how things are going and her first birthday (Friday) without Mom. Tomorrow is the first day of 7th grade for TatorTot and 4th grade for MadCow. This will be their first year without a phone call from Memom on the first day of school to see how it was. I remember TatorTot's first day of school. . .Mom and Dad drove all the way to Georgia so they could go to school with him on his first day. They went to MadCow's first day also. Memom always tried to keep up with how they were doing in school. They made her so proud. Tomorrow will be the first day that B will have to send her kids to school knowing that Memom would be so proud of them and wishing that she could be there to go with them. I know that she will be watching them all and wishing them a great first day of school. And Aunt D too.

My Dad

2010-08-18T11:45:00.005-05:00

I have got the best Dad in the whole world. Our relationship has changed so much in the last few months. I miss my Mom so much and I am so glad that I have my Daddy to lean on. Thanks for all you do Dad. I love you very much.Yes, I know we are one short in this picture. I need to find some more with all of us when we were little.

Today

2010-08-16T19:04:00.003-05:00

Today I had a mental list all these things that I was going to get done today and well, I didn't get any of it done. Well, I did get dinner cooked! Anyway as you know it has been so stinking hot around here and very dry so since everyone's grass is shriveling up and blowing away I knew that I had to get the sprinklers going. Went to Dad's first and got it started and then stopped at Grandmom's and I had to go inside to let her know that she needed to get some timers for the faucets. And I ended up spending most of the day with her. We talked about Mom and how much we miss her. I dreamed about Mom last night. This is the second time I have dreamed about her. In my dreams she is still fight cancer but she isn't sick like she was. She is able to do things unlike what really happened. If I am going to dream about her I wish I could dream about her when she was well and when we were able to do things together. I still have this huge hole in my heart. I miss her.

Where Does This Road Lead?

2010-08-12T09:38:00.011-05:00

Well, as you can see I haven't had just a whole lot to write about lately. Life is just trudging on. For some life goes on as it always has but for us life goes on but in such a different way. Oh sure, we are dealing with the heat as always, complaining about the lack of rain, getting ready for school to start but as much as some things are the same so much isn't. Dad is doing ok, he has been able to spend some time with his grandkids. T stayed with him at the end of July for four days. They had a good time swimming, fishing and just hanging out. M stayed with him for about the same amount of time and spent time swimming and hanging out. I hope they realize how much it meant for Dad to get to have this special time with them. Dad has tried to keep himself busy this summer by getting things done around the farm. Of course things go so much slower when you are doing them by yourself and I think that this keeps him frustrated. Well, this along with the fact that it seems that if something can go wrong it will go wrong when trying to get something accomplished. For example, this week he has had to deal with four flat tires. Two on the tractor and two on the farm truck. Flat tires make it difficult to get things done of course and is time consuming and is very frustrating. He starts school tomorrow, not sure how excited he is about that!

Rae has already been back to school for almost two weeks. Now is one of two times during the year that we rarely get to see her. This weekend she will start traveling for tournaments and will do so for the next three weeks (I think that is what she said!). She got to take a peek at her rolls yesterday and her classes are ridiculously big again this year. Her smallest class is 24 and her largest is 30. Her room is small so I am not sure where she is going to put everyone. She is going to be so busy. She is sooo good at her job and I know that she will make it work.

Bec is getting her babies ready to head back to school. I know that she has been back to school clothes shopping with the boy this week and. . . . .well, we all know how much boys enjoy shopping, especially for clothes. The girl has been with the other g-parents this week traveling to the panhandle to see the musical TEXAS (and yes, I am a little jealous of her!!). So I am sure that she will be tortured, I mean she will love to go back to school shopping. They are growing up so fast. It is hard to believe that they are going to be in 4th and 7th grade. I am so happy that they still love to give kisses and hugs and hang out with their old aunt!

Me, well I am just trudging through day by day. Some days are easier than others and some days it is all I can do to get out of bed. I am looking forward to getting on some kind of schedule. Yesterday I worked at my Dad's school helping with registration. It was nice to see some of the kids I know from last year. I hope to get a lot of sub jobs this year.

Well, that is all for now. I hope you are all having a nice summer. I have to admit that I am ready for fall weather. It is so hot and we need rain so bad. I am thankful for the 2/10 of an inch we got yesterday.

Mom's Red Submarines

2010-08-06T16:03:00.004-05:00

Wordless Wednesday

2010-08-04T22:22:00.000-05:00

2010-08-02T07:39:00.002-05:00

Yesterday was five months and it hasn't gotten any easier. Some days I still forget and think about things that I want to tell her or show her but then I remember and the pain comes rolling in like a tidal wave. Then I want to know why. . . . .why my Mom? Why did she have to go through so much pain and suffering? Why do we have to be the ones mourning the loss of our Mom? What is the purpose in all of this? Some days I really wish I had a view life button like the view blog button on this blog. What is God's plan? Why have we had so much loss and pain? Two babies in heaven that we hardly even knew about, one who we "knew" for almost 6 months and then Mom? I just don't understand and I miss my Mom so much. I need her to give me a hug and a kiss and tell me that it will be ok. But she can't and I hate it. And I just really miss her.

Family Reunion Picture

2010-07-31T20:51:00.002-05:00

Back Row (left to right): Ray, Bobby, JB, Don J., Don N., Judy, Paul

Front Row (left to right): David, Diane, Dilys, Virginia

Wordless Wednesday

2010-07-28T12:05:00.000-05:00

Family Reunion

2010-07-26T22:27:00.008-05:00

We had a mini reunion Sunday for Dad's side of the family. It was great to see everyone, especially the ones who were in town from Minnesota. It is always fun to get together but it also hurts. . . .a lot. Mom always added so much to a get together. She had something about her that made everyone want to be around her and everything seems a little less bright without her.

My nephew was in town last week and before he left, he and Dad went and picked up some flowers to take out to the cemetery. It was the first time that he has been out there since the funeral. Losing his Memom has been very hard on him and his sister. They loved their Memom and their Memom loved them more than anything. I hope they know just how much she loved them.

Anyway, here is a picture from our vacation. The scenery in Colorado is so beautiful and Mom loved being there.

Today

2010-07-19T22:25:00.002-05:00

Today was a hard day. We were all finally together again and we needed to go through my Mom's jewelry and divide it up. It was sad and we all cried. There are other things that we still need to do but we can only do a little bit at a time. My nephew was with us while we were doing this and he had a hard time too. Really makes me miss my Mom.

Thankful Thursday

2010-07-15T10:25:00.002-05:00

I am thankful for the peace, tranquility and beauty of the mountains and getting to enjoy it with loved ones.

One Year

2010-07-08T10:08:00.003-05:00

One year ago today is one of those days that will be etched in my brain forever. You see, one year ago today while Becca, Rae and I were hanging out with Mom in the hospital, Dr. Jenkins came in and told Mom that she had leukemia and that we had an appointment at MD Anderson on Friday. We sat there is shock, waiting for Dad to get back so we could tell him. Little did we know how much our life would change over the next year, how much pain Mom would endure and how heartbroken we would end up. I miss my Mom every minute of everyday. There are so many things I want to tell her or show her or ask her. I love my Dad so very much and hate seeing him hurt. I hate that Taylor and Madison miss their Memom so much and I hate that Becca, Rae and I have lost the most beautiful person in our lives.

Sad News

2010-07-07T23:00:00.002-05:00

This afternoon we received sad news. While Mom was in the hospital, we met and became friends with a woman named Linda whose daughter had a stemcell transplant in November. Kelly (the daughter) had been diagnosed with lymphoma in 2007. Kelly had many of the same problems as Mom did but she has been able to spend the last couple of months at her home with her husband and three young children. After a long battle, Kelly passed away this afternoon. Please keep Steve, Claire, Meghan and Michael (husband and kids) and Linda and the rest of the family in your prayers as they begin another chapter in their journey. We know the pain this family is feeling tonight.

Independence Day

2010-07-05T22:24:00.003-05:00

It never occurred to me how difficult yesterday might be but it was. Last night while watching the fireworks, all I could think about was all the July 4ths from when we were kids. When we all, the Watsons, Parsons, Peavys, Boyds, Polks and who ever else showed up would be at the lake. We would spend the day swimming, skiing, eating, playing volleyball and horse shoes, riding in the boat and wake boarding (or as in our case cabinetdoor boarding) and then when it finally got dark, shooting fireworks over the lake. Mom always had a good time when we did this because she loved being with her family and friends. In my memory I could hear her laughing and I could see her with the sparklers that she always played with. Dad didn't go to the fireworks because Mom was the one who enjoyed going and he would go where ever she wanted and he didn't think he would enjoy it without her. He did spend the evening with Rae, Lou Ellen and G-mom Parsons and they seemed to have a nice time.

Dad, Rae, Darrell and I went to Colorado for vacation in June. It was not the vacation we had planned. Dad had said when we first found out that Mom was sick that we were all going to Colorado for a family vacation this year. At that time it never entered out mind that she wouldn't be here to go with us. Although the trip was wonderful, there was not a minute that went by that I didn't not think about Mom and desperately wish that she was with us. I miss her more than ever.

I took over 200 pictures and I may put some up from time to time.

Four

2010-07-02T23:21:00.001-05:00

Four months and one day. Seems like it has been an eternity and seems like yesterday. I wish I could talk to her, have her give me a hug and hear her laugh.

Missed Me Yet?

2010-06-24T15:30:00.002-05:00

Been busy traveling. Will be sure to tell you all about it but it will have to be later.

Happy Father's Day

2010-06-20T23:45:00.004-05:00

Happy Father's Day to the worlds best Dad. We love you and want you to know that we will always be here for you.

"The greatest gift I ever had Came from God, and I call him Dad!"

~~Author Unknown.

An Amazing Love Story (the short version)

2010-06-13T00:01:00.001-05:00

All Because Two People Fell In Love

Once upon a time a boy and a girl met and fell in love. Well, you may not think that this is an exciting happening or even an unusual happening but this is the story of two people who fell in love and it was a beautiful thing.
There was an Aggie who was finishing up school and was teaching drivers ed at the local high school. One day, this blond haired, blue-eyed girl walked into his classroom and he knew at that moment that she would be his wife. If you were to ask him today what she was wearing, he can still tell you. This love story started slowly as the young girl was not allowed to date the handsome Aggie because, well, he was in college and older than her; luckily for him, persistence paid off. They became engaged during her junior year of high school and were married June 13th, 1969.
They began their life as husband and wife, he was a teacher and she a homemaker. As they grew more in love, they added to their family, three girls.
This family of five loved each other very much. The girls knew that their parent’s relationship was special because you could just tell from being with them how much they loved and respected each other. They loved each other and they loved their girls. As the family grew older, the parents love for each other continued to grow and eventually they added two sons-in-law, a grandson and granddaughter.
On June 13, 2009, the handsome man and beautiful woman celebrated their 40th wedding anniversary. Their daughters hosted a party for them at the same location the beautiful woman’s parents had celebrated their 50th wedding anniversary. This location was where the beautiful woman had grown up. The couple celebrated with family and friends (old and new) and a wonderful time was had by all.
This year, the celebration of their 41st anniversary will be very different. You see, the handsome man’s beautiful wife left her earthly home leaving the handsome man and his girls to keep her memory alive everyday and to honor her in everything thing they do.

Happy Anniversary to the handsome man and the beautiful woman. You gave us a wonderful example of how to be a married couple that loved each other very much. And this amazing love story was all because two people fell in love.

Birthday Wrap Up

2010-06-09T22:24:00.002-05:00

Well, yesterday was Dad's birthday and we tried to make it as happy and fun as possible. First off Dad, Rae, Lou Ellen and I went to the movie to see Marmaduke. It was a really good movie and gave us the laughs we needed. Then we went to eat lunch at Longhorn Tavern and Shannon met us there so Dad got to have lunch with four girls! Last night Dad had an elders and deacons meeting and they were having dinner. We surprised him after dinner with his favorite cake. . . . pineapple upside down cake (he got orange slices and a model car). Then we left so they could have their meeting. Tonight after church he opened presents (at his favorite fast-food joint, Chicken Express!) and ate pecan pralines from a friend from church.
I know that it wasn't a birthday like Mom would do but we did the best we could. We love you Dad and hope that you enjoyed your birthday.

Today Is A Special Day

2010-06-08T08:35:00.004-05:00

HAPPY 65TH BIRTHDAY DAD!

YOU ARE THE BEST AND WE LOVE YOU VERY MUCH.

We know that today will be hard for you but know that we are with you and that we love you.

I know that Mom is sending you tons of love, kisses and birthday wishes too.

One of Those Days

2010-06-07T21:44:00.002-05:00

Well, it was actually one of those nights. Last night when I finally crawled into bed, I ended up crying myself to sleep. I was missing my Mom so much because I had so much on my mind (worry, worry, worry). I really needed Mom's hug and for her to tell me that it was going to be alright, that I will find a job because I can do whatever I put my mind to. Last week I was listening to the radio and I heard a song on that I hadn't heard in a long time. Who I Am by Jessica Andrews, has a line that says "My Momma's still my biggest fan". That was my Mom, she was my biggest fan and supporter. There were lots of people who helped me finish up my degree but Mom was always there telling me I could do it and she would help me as much as she could. Now, I don't have my biggest cheerleader and sometimes life is just so hard without that one person who was always rooting for you now matter what. I miss that and I just plain miss my Mom. I am still angry that she is gone. . . . .it isn't fair. Yes, I know life's not fair but why my Mom? Why my family? Why my does my Dad have to be broken hearted? WHY WHY WHY WHY? IT IS NOT FAIR.

Thankful Thursday

2010-06-03T21:54:00.002-05:00

Today I am thankful for the wonderful rain we got last night and today to help make the grass grow for the guys from yesterday's wordless Wednesday.

Wordless Wednesday

2010-06-02T23:04:00.003-05:00

Three Months

2010-06-01T21:42:00.002-05:00

It is hard to believe that today it has been three months since Mom passed away. The pain of missing her has not gotten any less, it just hits you hard at different times. Like Sunday, sitting in church listening to our family (remember, family reunion) sing. I know that if she would have been there, she would have loved it and she would have spent time just listening. She loved to sing and had a beautiful voice. In the last three months we have passed several firsts; Tatortot's birthday, Madcow's birthday, my anniversary, her birthday, B's birthday, Mother's Day, LEH's birthday and end of the school year. June brings some more; Dad's birthday, Mom and Dad's 41st anniversary, vacation, Father's Day and Mr. Giggles birthday. Who ever realizes how many "firsts" you have to go through.
We still haven't gotten Dad completely unpacked in the house. Actually, we aren't even close. My sister B and her family were able to stay with Dad this past weekend (which I think Dad really enjoyed!!). While they were here they (I don't really know who did it, probably my BIL and Dad) cleaned out one of the front flower beds (again) and planted some really nice plants. It was nice just to have Dad and his kids together because we haven't been all together since Mom passed away. Well, I hope that each and everyone of you is having a good week. Remember to kiss the ones you love and tell them that you love them.

We love you Mom and we miss you so very much.

What A Weekend!

2010-05-30T22:44:00.003-05:00

Have you ever noticed that we get so busy with "life" that the only times we get a large amount of family together is for funerals? Well, it seems that way so part of my Mom's family decided that we were going to get together for a more fun gathering. Mom's cousin from Canada decided that he and his family were going to come for a visit so. . . . . . . . .a family reunion was planned. We have been reunioning with family from Canada, Oklahoma and several other places (they were the ones who traveled the furthest) and it has been great. Today almost everyone was at church and let me tell you, the singing on our side of the building was awesome. Mom would have been so happy to be there with her loved ones. She would have loved the singing. She also would have put lots and lots of pictures on her memory card on her camera! The weekend has been so much fun and we have shared so much and I can't believe how much we have talked about Mom because she was so special to everyone. But with all the wonderfulness of the weekend also comes the sadness of Mom not being here to celebrate with us. Overall, it was a good time.

Nothing Much

2010-05-23T21:19:00.002-05:00

Well, I don't really have much to say. I sometimes wonder if I should even keep this blog up. I don't know if anyone reads anymore. It just seems like too much to worry about because I never really have anything to say that I haven't already said before. Like how much I miss Mom and how it still doesn't seem real and how twice last week something happened and my first thought was that I needed to call Mom and tell her about it and how I still don't know what to do to help my Dad and lastly how are we going to get done all that she used to do? On that note, I hope everyone has a good week. It is hard to believe how quickly summer is getting here.

Wordless Wednesday

2010-05-19T22:31:00.003-05:00

Evening Sunset

Sweet Words From a Sweet Boy

2010-05-16T21:28:00.002-05:00

Mom and I used to teach the 3 - 5 year olds at church and a lot of the time, we only had one little boy in our class. His name is Andrew and he is such a sweet little boy. Wednesday night at church he came up and hugged me and told me that he was sorry that Ms. Barbara was not there. This morning I was singing with him and a couple of other boys in class before their teacher got there. Mom and I had taught him a song called the color song. Andrew loved this song and we sang it every Sunday. This morning after singing the song I said, "We haven't sang this song in a long time have we?" and Andrew replied, "No, we haven't since Ms. Barbara is in heaven". Mom made such an impact on even the smallest person. I really miss Mom and hope that the impression that I leave with people is like the one that she left.

Happy Mother's Day

2010-05-09T22:03:00.002-05:00

We hope that all of you Moms out there had a very special day.

Mom, we missed you so very much. We think of you everyday. Dad is missing you but today was really hard on him. We love you.

Mom, we miss you so very much

On every Mother’s Day;

And not just then, but every minute,

Since you went away.

You were the center of our lives

Before your soul passed on;

It’s just so hard for us to believe

That you are really gone.

But we celebrate the life you lived

And all the things you gave us;

Our wonderful memories, Mom, of you

Are the things that will comfort and save us.

Please think of us, as we think of you

With hearts so full of love;

We’re looking up at you, sweet Mom,

As you look at us from above.

By Joanna Fuchs

Mother's Day

2010-05-08T22:38:00.005-05:00

If roses grow in Heaven Lord please pick a bunch for me. Place them in my Mother's arms and tell her they're from me. Tell her I love her and miss her, and when she turns to smile, place a kiss upon her cheek and hold her for a while. Because remembering her is easy, I do it everyday, but there is an ache within my heart that will never go away.

Someone sent this to my sister and I thought that it was so appropriate for our Mom. She loved flowers of all kinds but always enjoyed when Dad would bring her roses.

Happy Mother's Day to the world's best Mom who is missed so very much. We love you Mom and miss you so very much.

If. . . . .

2010-05-06T22:31:00.002-05:00

you were wondering what the pictures from yesterday are, well it is our hay pasture. It makes me think of Mom because she is the one who always brought all of the hay in out of the field. The field is very pretty especially since it is cut so I thought I would share it.

Wordless Wednesday

2010-05-05T23:01:00.001-05:00

2010-05-03T22:35:00.000-05:00

2 Months

2010-05-01T23:22:00.004-05:00

Today marks the second month since we lost Mom. Like RAW said, in some ways it seems like yesterday and in others it seems much longer. I know for me, the pain has not lessened. I still miss her so much.

Mom, we love you so much and miss you even more. Not a day goes but that we don't think of you.

Last night I got a new cell phone and Mom has always been the first person I would call with it, now it is my Dad. Isn't it strange the things that trigger our memories of our loved ones?

Birthday Flowers

2010-04-28T14:15:00.005-05:00

These flowers were left by some friends from church a week or so ago.
Just a shot of some of the flowers.

The sunflowers are from my sister RAW.

When I saw this balloon, I knew I had to get it for Mom. She would have liked it.

These are from Mom's Mom (off of her rose bushes).

These are the beautiful yellow roses Dad left yesterday.

Happy Birthday

2010-04-27T08:27:00.004-05:00

Happy 59th Birthday Mom!

Today we celebrate your birthday without you. We love you and wish you were here.

After posting these pictures, I found out that the little outfit my Mom is wearing was made by my G-mom P.

Tonight we went out to eat to celebrate Mom's birthday. We went to Outback and then had cupcakes (we shared on with our waiter). All afternoon I kept thinking out her birthday last year, she looked beautiful and smiled her awesome smile. I will have see if I can find some of the pictures from last year.

Dad and I went to the cemetery this morning and it was so hard. My heart just breaks because he is hurting so badly. I wish I knew how to help him. Please continue to pray for us and give him a hug when you see him.

2010-04-25T22:18:00.001-05:00

Just a few of Mom's "babies".

Tuesday

2010-04-20T22:41:00.002-05:00

I found this picture of Mom, her Mom and her sister on the hubbies computer. I have no idea when it was taken or what the occassion was. I may have been my Grandmother's 80th birthday party but I am not sure. Anyway, just thought I would share. Missing you everyday Mom. I love you.

Funny Face

2010-04-18T21:28:00.003-05:00

This is one of my favorite pictures of my parents. My Dad's father took this picture of Mom and Dad. I love the look on her face. We have seen that look many times over the years. Sure wish I could see it again.

This evening after church Dad, D and I went to Whataburger as we often do for our evening "drink". Dad pulled out before us to go by the house to put the cats up. I looked in the car as he turned the corner and truly expected to see Mom sitting there beside her. It hit so hard that it is almost a physical pain. It was an absolutely horrible feeling. I can not believe it just hits you out of the blue and hits so hard.

Thursday was a hard day but the rest of the week was ok. I even went shopping at some of our favorite stores; this was the first time that I felt like being in town and shopping. It was far from being fun but it was bearable. At least I got some good deals.

Dad has been working super hard down at the house trying to get the yard cleaned up. It looks good. I know that it has to be so hard for him working without his right-hand woman. It is still strange to go down there and her not be there. I guess strange really isn't the right word. I have to say that some days I do what I can to not go down there because it is so stinking hard. I don't know how he does it.

Well, that is all for now. I hope that you are enjoying the pictures. They are ones we scanned for the powerpoint that was played at the viewing and the funeral.

Please continue to pray for us all. We are each struggling in our own ways and can't seem to figure out how to help each other. I hope you all have a great week.

Wordless Wednesday

2010-04-14T22:20:00.003-05:00

Monday Memories

2010-04-12T21:41:00.004-05:00

Mom and her girls.

We had an incredible Mom who loved us very much and did so much to help us. She taught us so very much and we were lucky to have such a wonderful example. We love you and miss you so very much.

Thankful Thursday

2010-04-08T22:42:00.002-05:00

Because I feel that I have had an awful attitude lately, I decided that I would list a few things that I am thankful for.

* I am thankful that I grew up in such a loving family. I had a wonderful childhood and realize how lucky I was to have that.

* I am thankful that I was able to help take care of my Mom because she has done so much for me.

* I am thankful that I had a good relationship with my Mom. We loved to spend time together.

* I am thankful for all of the important (and not so important) that my Mom shared with me.

* I am thankful that my Dad and I are closer than we have ever been (I love you Dad).

* I am thankful that Mom is no longer in pain but I miss her so much.

Little Things

2010-04-06T22:37:00.005-05:00

Isn’t it interesting what things trigger memories? Today was one of those days that several little things made me think about Mom. Some made me cry and some made me smile. The first was when I was mowing the lawn. Mom told me after we bought our new lawn mower that she would give up dessert if she had to so that she could have a self-propelled (she had a wicked sweet tooth and our lawn mower is not self-propelled). I thought about that as I was mowing and wishing that I had one and knowing what she would have said when she picked me for lunch with Dad. Well, she didn’t pick me up but I did meet Dad and had a coke while he ate lunch. The second was when I took Mom’s camera to Walgreens to have a cd of the pictures made. Mom and I did that so many times. She always had so many pictures on her camera and today was no exception. There were 706 pictures on there and it took two cds. I cried as I looked through pictures that had been taken over the last year and thought about the fun Mom and I had while picking out pictures to print or waiting for them to download. This afternoon after Rae’s game, I went down to Mom and Dad’s house and when I drove up I was so sad knowing that the yard and house will never have Mom’s touch again. As I was watering Mom’s plants, I cried because she loved plants so much and I am having such a hard time keeping them alive. Well, I guess that is all for today.

Mom and I

2010-04-05T22:50:00.002-05:00

Nothing much to talk about today so I thought I would just share a picture of Mom and I.

Easter Weekend

2010-04-04T22:08:00.002-05:00

Our first holiday without Mom and it was strange but ok. Dad went to FW on Friday to see the short people participate in LTC and of course to see B and her honey. Dad got lots of hugs and kisses and enjoyed watching them perform. He came home Saturday evening. This morning we went to church and then to LEH's house for lunch. We enjoyed a wonderful meal with LEH, her Dad and two brothers, my Dad, myself, my honey, Rae and both of my grandmothers. It was super yummy. Although we didn't say anything specifically, I know that all of us really missed Mom. LEH, Rae and I were looking at pics on Mom & Dad's camera and looked at pics from Easter last year. WOW, so much has changed since this time last year.

Happy Easter Mom. We miss you so much and wish you could have been here to celebrate with us today.

Twenty nine - Thirty one

2010-04-01T21:18:00.002-05:00

One month ago we lost our precious wife, mother, daughter, sister, friend. It hasn't gotten any easier and it still feels like a bad dream. My heart hurts for my Dad, my sisters, nephew, niece and other family members. I sometimes forget that it isn't just us who are grieving. A friend will say that they have had a hard time and I realize again what a special person she was to everyone. We love you Mom and we miss you so much.

Family Chain

We little knew that morning,

God was going to call your name,

In life we loved you dearly,

In death we do the same.

It broke our hearts to lose you,

You did not go alone.

For part of us went with you

The day God called you home.

You left us beautiful memories,

Your love is still our guide,

And though we cannot see you,

You are always at our side.

Our family chain is broken,

and nothing seems the same,

But as God calls us one by one,

The chain will link again.

Author Unknown

Forever in our Hearts

A million times we needed you,

A million times we cried,

If love alone would have saved you,

You would of never died.

In life we loved you dearly,

In death we love you still,

In our hearts you hold a place,

No one can ever fill.

A light from our household is gone,

A voice from our love is stilled,

A place in our vacant home,

Which never can be filled.

Some may think you are forgotten,

Though on earth you are no more,

But in our memory you are with us,

As you always were before.

It broke our hearts to lose you,

But you did not go alone,

A part of us went with you,

The day God called you home.

Your precious memories are for keepsakes,

with which we never part,

God has you safely in his keeping,

But we have you forever in our hearts

Author Unknown

Twenty Eight

2010-03-29T22:00:00.002-05:00

Four weeks today. Still hard to believe. Still hard for everyone. Still miss her very much.

Spent some time with G-mom P this afternoon and had dinner with Dad and Rae.

Twenty Seven

2010-03-28T23:01:00.002-05:00

Not much to talk about tonight. We had church today and we had a great crowd. Mom would have been pleased that we had 97 for bible class and 116 for worship and 95 for tonight's service. Dad went to visit his Mom today. I think they needed each other for a visit. I didn't do anything but sit in my recliner and hope that my back pain calmed down some. Too much physical work yesterday, either that or I am just out of shape! Today was beautiful and sunny. Hope it was Mom smiling down on us :).

Twenty five - Twenty six

2010-03-27T22:10:00.002-05:00

I realized this morning that I forgot to post yesterday but there really wasn't much going on. Today on the other hand was busy at Mom and Dad's house. Today was the BIG EVENT - the largest, one day, student-run service project in the nation where students of TAMU come together to say "Thank You" to the residents of BCS. One of our friends suggested that we contact them to get help with yard work at Mom and Dad's house because it has been looking pretty rough lately. Well, this morning 5 girls and 1 boy from the Pre Med Society came out to work. I explained to them why we had requested help from their organization and told them that Mom would have been mortified to know that her yard looked so horrible. Although they were about 40 minutes late and only worked for about 2 hours, they got the front flower bed pretty much completely cleaned up and 98 percent of the thistle in the front yard taken care of. I worked on the back yard but I have a loooong way to go. I will probably be pulling thistle for the next couple of months! They found a snake (glad it wasn't me) and a baby turtle and they were pretty excited about that. The turtle not the snake. When they were done, we took some pictures. . .some of us, some with Bo (the bull), some with us and Dad on the '57. Very nice group of kids and they all left their phone numbers and said that they would come out anytime to help us finish up.
After they left, Dad and I headed out to the cemetery to do some work. We got Mom's grave cleared of the huge rocks and chunks of clay. It looks so much better. Then we worked on Raymond's grave. We had to clear some big rocks, move the pipe Mom and Dad had put in the ground where we put flowers. Then Dad hauled in some more dirt and now his grave looks much better. We will be glad when they move the huge pile of rocks away from our area so we can finish the clean up. Well, that is it for today. Missed Mom like crazy today but enjoyed spending time with Dad.

Twenty four

2010-03-25T21:39:00.002-05:00

It is hard to believe that this journey has led to 207 blog entries. I want to thank you all for following along with us on this journey. Three weeks later I am still having a hard time wrapping my head around the fact that she is coming home. I know that y'all are probably tired of hearing me say that but that is part of how I feel. It is hard to put into words exactly how I feel and I think it is safe to say that we all feel that way. Everyone says it gets easier but I am not sure. I don't see how it can. I said the same when we lost our baby and it is still hard, especially with all of the pregnant people I see everywhere I go.

I am so ready for my words to come back so I can write better blog posts. I feel like my posts just jump around but that is how my mind is so I guess I'm not surprised.

Twenty three

2010-03-24T21:53:00.006-05:00

I don't know why but this week has been so hard. I have had a hard time, Dad has had a hard time and I know Rae had a hard time tonight at church and I know that B had a hard time Monday (I haven't talked to her since then). I wish I could express exactly how I feel these days but I can't. There aren't any words. I am having a hard time blogging because the words just won't come. I remember when I was younger and was complaining about having to take essay tests because I was very to the point with my answers. Mom always told me to be flowery with my writing. I did finally learn how to do that my second time around in college. Thanks Mom for always encouraging me.

**If you have been trying to leave a comment, it is now fixed so you should be able to**

Twenty two

2010-03-23T21:08:00.003-05:00

Nothing to talk about today. Had a much better day than yesterday. I love the fact that I talk to my Dad two or three times a day now. Miss talking to my Mom though. I thought of something today that I needed to ask her but I can't remember what it was. And no one else can answer the question if I could remember it.

Twenty & Twenty-one

2010-03-22T20:23:00.002-05:00

Not too much to talk about for the last two days but they have been emotional days for me. Yesterday we had to go to Austin because D's sister is in the hospital. I think it was way too soon for me to spend any time in the hospital. I had to go sit outside in the hallway by myself for a while. Today I had to go meet some guys at my parents house so they could fix the drain in the bathtub. It was just overwhelming sitting at the house with Mom and Dad's stuff sitting around me and thinking about how much she would have enjoyed getting to decorate the remodeled house. And lastly, today is the year anniversary of the loss of our 3rd pregnancy. So, needless to say today was pretty much a crying day. I hope tomorrow is better. Atleast the weather was beautiful today!

Nineteen

2010-03-20T23:16:00.002-05:00

Today we made a quick trip to San Antonio to attend the funeral of our rent-a-brother's dad. Mr. S had been diagnosed with lung cancer but lost his fight with the disease on Wednesday. Some day when I have a little time I will explain the rent-a-son/brother thing. Rent-a-brother has had a very difficult month with the loss of his step grandmother and then his father. Today was not easy being so close to Mom's funeral. Sometimes life is just so hard that you wish you could run to your mom, put your head in her lap and let her chase away the bad. Wouldn't it be nice to be able to do that?

Eighteen

2010-03-19T22:49:00.002-05:00

Day two of birthday celebrations for the munchkins. We went to Mr. Gattis for pizza and games. Everyone seemed to have a good time but once again there was a big hole. Tomorrow the munchkins will head home and we aren't sure when we will get to see them again because they will be busy with spring sports. Dad and Uncle Rich worked on the house some more today. So glad that my uncle got to come down and spend some time with my Dad. Thanks Uncle Rich.

Until tomorrow.

Seventeen

2010-03-18T23:44:00.003-05:00

The weather today was beautiful but a little chilly. We went to my sister's in-laws farm to celebrate the munchkins birthdays. One was last week and one is next week. We fished, ate great food, watched the kids open presents and just enjoyed being together. Missed Mom like crazy because she was always buzzing around when we were all together whether is was fixing food or playing with the grandkids. D and I rode out with Dad and it is strange being the only person sitting in the backseat. We did have a good day, well as good as possible anyway.

Sixteen

2010-03-17T22:52:00.003-05:00

Not much to write about today. It was an ok day. I did think once today that I needed to call my Mom to ask her a question and then realized that I couldn't. That hurts. Dad and my Uncle worked some on the house today. I can't wait until we get it all put back together but it is going to be very hard on all of us when it is done and the heart of the house isn't there. Especially for Dad.

My mom is a neverending song in my heart of comfort, happiness, and being. I may sometimes forget the words but I always remember the tune. ~Graycie Harmon

Fifteen

2010-03-16T22:35:00.002-05:00

Two weeks and one day. . . .it still feels like a nightmare. I know I have said this several times and will probably say it many more times but it does. Since she was gone for four months, it still seems like she is at the hospital just waiting for me to come spend my week with her. Dad would have been with her this week since he is off for Spring Break. I would be with her next week.
Isn't it interesting what things you see or hear or read or smell that make you think of someone? Yesterday while shopping in Kemah I was looking at some books and saw one that I had thought about getting Mom a thousand times and never did. I had planned on giving her one when D and I finally got pregnant for her to fill out. It is the book that Grandparents write their memories in to share with their grandkids. It took my breath away because my children will never get to know their grandmother and what a special person she was. They will never get to play ball with her, spend the night with her, get wonderful hugs and kisses from her, eat her yummy brownies. That shatters my already broken heart into a million more pieces.

Fourteen

2010-03-15T23:20:00.002-05:00

Today Dad, Rae, D and I spent the day at Kemah on the boardwalk. We had a nice day. While riding the train through the park, a monarch butterfly flew between Rae and I a couple of times and then by the train for a little bit. It made me think of Mom and something that my Grandmother's cousin said to me in an e-mail the day of Mom's funeral. She wrote: As I have read your blog I have come to realize just how special each of you were to each other and Tammy that is something money does not buy, Love is the cornerstone of all families and family is a building stronger that stone, brick, or any other material, family is forever and even though Barbara left this earthly life she is still with each of you in spirit, that beautiful butterfly landing on you while in the garden will be her letting you know she is there with you, that twinkling star in the night sky will be her winking at ya, that ripple in the lake or pond on a still day will be her letting you know she is still right there looking over each of you. I felt that the butterfly was Mom letting us know that she was with us and was enjoying the day and was glad that we were enjoying being together. We did have a good day, just wished that B and her family could have been with us. And Mom of course.

Thirteen

2010-03-14T22:06:00.002-05:00

The weather the last couple of days has been so beautiful. I really wish that Mom were here to see everything getting ready to bloom. Spring reminds me of her. She loved to work out in her yard and you could tell. It was always beautiful Right now it looks like no one cares. Hopefully I will be able to get some work done to it in the next couple of weeks.
We spent the day with Dad and Rae. It seems so odd just being the four of us instead of five. all in all it was a pretty good day. Church is still hard because I catch myself wondering when Mom will be back in her place in the chair in front of me. I miss her singing and the sweetness she always showed to our church family. Ha, who am I kidding? I just miss her so much I can hardly stand it. Will we ever get used to our new "normal"? Will it ever get easier? Will the huge, gaping hole in our hearts ever heal even just a little?
Enjoy the beautiful weather and tell your family you love them.

Twelve

2010-03-13T22:49:00.002-06:00

Not much to say tonight. Today was beautiful so I hope that it was Mom smiling down on us and that we are doing her proud.

Eleven

2010-03-12T22:04:00.003-06:00

This time last week, we were wrapping up a horribly long day after having had said goodbye to our Mom. The days are not any easier. It is interesting to me the different things I see that catches me off guard and makes me cry. This morning I was watching a commercial about HP printers and it made me think about the Valentine's Day card Mom made for Dad. He had talked about making a copy of it and putting it in a picture frame because it is the last thing Mom ever wrote. It was actually one of the few things she had written since July. The stupid commercial made me cry. I haven't ventured out much this week because there are too many things that remind me of Mom. When I wasn't working, we used to go eat lunch with Dad and then head to Wal-Mart, Target, Walgreens, Hobby Lobby, Michael's, Kohls, the mall and several other places. I just wasn't ready to go to those places. I know that I have to start going out and doing things but this week just wasn't the time.
Have a good weekend.

Ten

2010-03-11T20:19:00.003-06:00

Not much to talk about today. Dad and I went by the funeral home this afternoon to pick up some things we had taken up there and to pick up the death certificate. Even with the "proof" in hand it still seems like an awful dream that we will one day wake up from.