It's Been A While. . . . .

I know.  Sometimes it is just too hard to come over here and write about what is going on.  I know that a few of you still come by.  The month of January was hard with two funerals in two weeks.  As I said before, one of them had music from my Granddad's funeral and you could hear Mom singing.  It was a bittersweet thing.  It was great to hear her voice but so hard to know that the only way we will hear it is to listen to a tape.
I was looking back and my posts from this time last year.  We were so hopeful.  Mom seemed to be doing better, getting stronger, ready to come back home to us.  I really wish I knew what happened and why it happened.  We need her, there is no way around it.  I had a bad day yesterday and I really, really needed to talk to her.  I needed her to tell me things were going to be ok, that she loved me and that she would see me at church.  I woke up yesterday missing her so much.
Dad is winding up his last year of public school teaching.  I know he is ready and I know that he hadn't planned to spend his retirement alone.  I am worried about him and what he is going to do.  I remember listening to them talk about the trips they were going to take once he retired.  They were going to see the leaves change and they were going to go on an Alaskan cruise.  My heart hurts for him and for us girls.  Well, for everyone who loved her.  People say it gets easier with time but I don't believe it.  I know that in the past three years the pain I feel at the loss of our baby is still as strong as it was the day it happened.
Well, this isn't what I had planned on writing about but I guess it is just what was on my mind the most.

Singing

We listened to my Mom sing today.  Of course it was on a tape but it was beautiful just the same.  We miss her so much.

10 months

I can't believe that it has been 10 months already.  We have now made it through all of our birthdays, anniversarys, Thanksgiving and Christmas.  It has not been easy and the Christmas holidays were some of the hardest (at least for me) because Mom loved this holiday so much.  She loved getting the house decorated and having everyone together.  I miss Mom so much and I don't think that the pain of her being gone is ever going to get better.  I love you Mom and miss you so very much.

End of 2010

It is hard to believe that this time last year we were still at MD Anderson and thought that Mom would soon be coming home.  We had already been there for two months and spent two major holidays apart.  We left 2009 thinking that 2010 would be much better because Mom would be coming home soon.

We have now gone through everyone's birthday and the major holidays (except Valentines day).  The ache is still there.  I still spend a lot of time with tears in my eyes and hurt in my heart.  I hope that 2011 is better.
I hope that those of you who still stop by have a Happy New Year.