It's Been A While. . . . .

I know.  Sometimes it is just too hard to come over here and write about what is going on.  I know that a few of you still come by.  The month of January was hard with two funerals in two weeks.  As I said before, one of them had music from my Granddad's funeral and you could hear Mom singing.  It was a bittersweet thing.  It was great to hear her voice but so hard to know that the only way we will hear it is to listen to a tape.
I was looking back and my posts from this time last year.  We were so hopeful.  Mom seemed to be doing better, getting stronger, ready to come back home to us.  I really wish I knew what happened and why it happened.  We need her, there is no way around it.  I had a bad day yesterday and I really, really needed to talk to her.  I needed her to tell me things were going to be ok, that she loved me and that she would see me at church.  I woke up yesterday missing her so much.
Dad is winding up his last year of public school teaching.  I know he is ready and I know that he hadn't planned to spend his retirement alone.  I am worried about him and what he is going to do.  I remember listening to them talk about the trips they were going to take once he retired.  They were going to see the leaves change and they were going to go on an Alaskan cruise.  My heart hurts for him and for us girls.  Well, for everyone who loved her.  People say it gets easier with time but I don't believe it.  I know that in the past three years the pain I feel at the loss of our baby is still as strong as it was the day it happened.
Well, this isn't what I had planned on writing about but I guess it is just what was on my mind the most.