Time Marches On

It is hard to believe how even when things change so drastically in your life that time continues to march on. Tomorrow begins another school year. Dad will be starting his 30+ year of teaching and after so many years there aren't always a lot of changes but this year there is. This will be the first time that Mom won't send him off on his first day of school with a hug, a kiss and an I love you more. It will be the first year that won't start with her taking him lunch. Even last year as sick as she was some days we would get lunch to him (I know he ended the year with out it but it is still different). Rae will be starting her 11th year of teaching and coaching. This will be her first year of Mom not seeing any of her volleyball games, or calling her to check how things are going and her first birthday (Friday) without Mom. Tomorrow is the first day of 7th grade for TatorTot and 4th grade for MadCow. This will be their first year without a phone call from Memom on the first day of school to see how it was. I remember TatorTot's first day of school. . .Mom and Dad drove all the way to Georgia so they could go to school with him on his first day. They went to MadCow's first day also. Memom always tried to keep up with how they were doing in school. They made her so proud. Tomorrow will be the first day that B will have to send her kids to school knowing that Memom would be so proud of them and wishing that she could be there to go with them. I know that she will be watching them all and wishing them a great first day of school. And Aunt D too.

My Dad

I have got the best Dad in the whole world. Our relationship has changed so much in the last few months. I miss my Mom so much and I am so glad that I have my Daddy to lean on. Thanks for all you do Dad. I love you very much.Yes, I know we are one short in this picture. I need to find some more with all of us when we were little.

Today

Today I had a mental list all these things that I was going to get done today and well, I didn't get any of it done. Well, I did get dinner cooked! Anyway as you know it has been so stinking hot around here and very dry so since everyone's grass is shriveling up and blowing away I knew that I had to get the sprinklers going. Went to Dad's first and got it started and then stopped at Grandmom's and I had to go inside to let her know that she needed to get some timers for the faucets. And I ended up spending most of the day with her. We talked about Mom and how much we miss her. I dreamed about Mom last night. This is the second time I have dreamed about her. In my dreams she is still fight cancer but she isn't sick like she was. She is able to do things unlike what really happened. If I am going to dream about her I wish I could dream about her when she was well and when we were able to do things together. I still have this huge hole in my heart. I miss her.

Where Does This Road Lead?

Well, as you can see I haven't had just a whole lot to write about lately. Life is just trudging on. For some life goes on as it always has but for us life goes on but in such a different way. Oh sure, we are dealing with the heat as always, complaining about the lack of rain, getting ready for school to start but as much as some things are the same so much isn't. Dad is doing ok, he has been able to spend some time with his grandkids. T stayed with him at the end of July for four days. They had a good time swimming, fishing and just hanging out. M stayed with him for about the same amount of time and spent time swimming and hanging out. I hope they realize how much it meant for Dad to get to have this special time with them. Dad has tried to keep himself busy this summer by getting things done around the farm. Of course things go so much slower when you are doing them by yourself and I think that this keeps him frustrated. Well, this along with the fact that it seems that if something can go wrong it will go wrong when trying to get something accomplished. For example, this week he has had to deal with four flat tires. Two on the tractor and two on the farm truck. Flat tires make it difficult to get things done of course and is time consuming and is very frustrating. He starts school tomorrow, not sure how excited he is about that!

Rae has already been back to school for almost two weeks. Now is one of two times during the year that we rarely get to see her. This weekend she will start traveling for tournaments and will do so for the next three weeks (I think that is what she said!). She got to take a peek at her rolls yesterday and her classes are ridiculously big again this year. Her smallest class is 24 and her largest is 30. Her room is small so I am not sure where she is going to put everyone. She is going to be so busy. She is sooo good at her job and I know that she will make it work.

Bec is getting her babies ready to head back to school. I know that she has been back to school clothes shopping with the boy this week and. . . . .well, we all know how much boys enjoy shopping, especially for clothes. The girl has been with the other g-parents this week traveling to the panhandle to see the musical TEXAS (and yes, I am a little jealous of her!!). So I am sure that she will be tortured, I mean she will love to go back to school shopping. They are growing up so fast. It is hard to believe that they are going to be in 4th and 7th grade. I am so happy that they still love to give kisses and hugs and hang out with their old aunt!

Me, well I am just trudging through day by day. Some days are easier than others and some days it is all I can do to get out of bed. I am looking forward to getting on some kind of schedule. Yesterday I worked at my Dad's school helping with registration. It was nice to see some of the kids I know from last year. I hope to get a lot of sub jobs this year.

Well, that is all for now. I hope you are all having a nice summer. I have to admit that I am ready for fall weather. It is so hot and we need rain so bad. I am thankful for the 2/10 of an inch we got yesterday.

Mom's Red Submarines

Wordless Wednesday

Yesterday was five months and it hasn't gotten any easier. Some days I still forget and think about things that I want to tell her or show her but then I remember and the pain comes rolling in like a tidal wave. Then I want to know why. . . . .why my Mom? Why did she have to go through so much pain and suffering? Why do we have to be the ones mourning the loss of our Mom? What is the purpose in all of this? Some days I really wish I had a view life button like the view blog button on this blog. What is God's plan? Why have we had so much loss and pain? Two babies in heaven that we hardly even knew about, one who we "knew" for almost 6 months and then Mom? I just don't understand and I miss my Mom so much. I need her to give me a hug and a kiss and tell me that it will be ok. But she can't and I hate it. And I just really miss her.