Beauty

There is a blog that I recently began reading a couple of times a week, written by a woman fighting ovarian cancer.  Her post the other day was titled "Security Blanket" and it reminded me of something I began noticing while at MD Anderson.  This lady had gone to a function without her hat to cover her bald head.  She posted a picture of herself and she was absolutely beautiful without her hair.  I thought that my Mom was gorgeous without her hair because it made her blue eyes even more intense looking.  I wish that the ladies who lose their hair due to cancer would realize how beautiful they are without their hair and not worry about what others think.  They are beautiful and strong and courageous and I hope that the next time I see a lady fighting for her life without worrying about her hair, I will take the time to stop and tell her how beautiful she is.

I am really missing my Mom as we approach Christmas.  She loved decorating for the holidays and having all her family together.  It just isn't the same without her.  Love you Mom and miss you so very much.

The other day my Dad made the comment that I hadn't posted anything here lately and I know I haven't. . . . . .sometimes I just don't have anything to say that hasn't already been said.  I decided that since I dreamed about Mom all night last night and then today while getting ready to go to town I thought of something and then said to myself, "I need to call Mom and tell her about that".  You know what. . . . .even 2 years and 7 months later it still hurts.  I miss my Mom. . . . .ALOT. . . .I am still angry that she is gone. . . .it's not fair.  I know, I know that life isn't fair but I still want to know why.  Why someone who had such a zest for life, had so much to share and do, she was supposed to be here to see her grandkids grow up and hopefully spend time with new grandkids, see my little sister get married, be here for my Dad to enjoy his retirement, to just be here for us all because we need her so badly.  She was the person that I talked to about everything. . . .I don't have anyone to do that with anymore.  I just miss her. . . .a lot.

I Miss Her

Life has been so discouraging lately and I have really needed my Mom's sound advice and hugs.  I still miss her so much.  I think about her everyday and always have things I would love to talk to her about.  I also wonder every day. . . .does it ever get any easier?  Can't I just be happy knowing that she isn't in pain anymore?  I miss her laugh, I can't remember what it sounded like, I miss her smile, the smell of the only perfume she could wear, the meals she used to cook for special occasions, talking to her on the phone, seeing my Dad truly happy and seeing the grandkids loving on their Memom.  Aaahhh. . . .it still makes me so angry and teary eyed.

I love you Mom and miss you so very much.