Time Doesn't Always Change Things

It has been a year and a half since we saw your beautiful face.  We miss you just as much today as the first day you left us.  I have missed you even more this week and I have needed to talk to you and get your advice so many times.  I wish you were here.  I love you.

On This Day

On this day, two years ago we got the news that sent us into a tailspin.  We got the news that Mom had leukemia.  And our second less fun and less beautiful but very heartbreaking Phantom Canyon journey began.

Catching Up

Well, it has been over a month since I have come over here.  I don't really have much to say over here anymore.  Mom is gone, our hearts are still broken and nothing will ever change that.  I still have days when I just can't believe that I won't see her or talk to her.  Then there are the days when a lady at church asks me "How is your Mom doing?"  what she really means is "How is your Grandmother doing?" but she always always says my Mom.  Man that is like getting something stabbed into your heart every time she does it.  It has made me try to avoid her these days.  I know that isn't the right thing to do but, oh well, that is life and that is how I am handling it.
I guess the only thing that has changed recently is that Dad is now retired.  It was time and he was ready.  He has gotten his classroom cleaned out and that was kinda hard. . .for me at least.  Mom's touch was there as it is in all of our houses and such so it is just one more thing that isn't anymore.  I hope that Dad enjoys his retirement and that he can find enough to keep himself busy! 
Since I don't blog over here very often, if you are wondering what we are up to you can always go here and check out my blog.
Happy summer friends.

Happy Birthday

Happy birthday Mom!  We love you and miss you so much.

Flowers for Mom

I miss you so much.

Spring

This was Mom's time of the year.  She would make her yard look beautiful and then she would work on G-mom's and do the same thing.  I miss flower shopping, mulch buying, and just talking about the different flowers.  I really miss my Mom.  I miss everything about her. . . .and so does Dad.  And everyone else.

One Year

One year ago today, I got a phone call from my sister RAW asking if I had talked to my Dad that morning. She had been trying to get a hold of him and couldn’t. I told her that I would put some clothes on and run up to the hospital to check on him. I got to the hospital and he was there, Mom had continued to stay agitated during the night and he hadn’t turned his phone back on. Although I had not come to the hospital planning to stay all day (I had planned to go back home and get cleaned up . . .I didn’t even have on any socks with my tennis shoes) but I ended up not leaving. That morning the doctor told my Dad that if there was not significant improvement in Mom’s health, we had probably a week left with her. My sister from out of town came with her family and my other sister came from work (one of her students called his parents from her classroom and they rushed to be with us). Family and friends surrounded us with prayers and much love. We all gathered around Mom’s bed and told her that we were ready to let her go if that was God’s plan. She quietly slipped away as we told her how much we loved her.


Since that day many tears have been shed, many milestones crossed, many memories replayed and many hugs given. For those of you who didn’t know my Mom, you missed getting to know a very Godly, loving, caring, wonderful woman. For those of you did, you understand the loss of a woman who caused the sun to shine just a little brighter.

I take comfort in knowing that she is in heaven and is holding my babies but that doesn’t make the ache in my heart any less. I miss the time we used to spend together, the fun we had as a family, and the projects she was never afraid to take on. I miss knowing that she was just a phone call away when I needed her for anything.

Today we wear orange in your memory Mom. We love you and miss you. I still can’t believe it has been a year.

PS: We are taking care of Dad. He misses you so much.

To Remember

Tomorrow in honor of my Mom I will be wearing orange. I would love it if you would too and post a picture of yourself wearing your orange (and email it to me). It can be a ribbon, flower, ring, necklace, shirt, socks, whatever (be creative). I just want everyone to remember my Mom and what a wonderful person she was. I also want to remember those who have fought Leukemia/Lymphoma and won and to remember those like my beautiful Mom who fought a couragous battle against the disease and won but left us because her body had fought so hard.







My email address is tls_giggles at yahoo dot com.

Big Hopes and Dreams

One year ago today I got a phone call from my Dad letting me know that we were heading to Houston and that Mom was coming HOME! We were so very hopeful that we were on the home stretch and that our Mom was going to be ok We were ALL going to be ok. We had such big hopes and dreams and they would soon come crashing down around us and crushing us. . . .breaking our hearts.

Little Reminders and Big Memories

I just looked at Dad's roll sheet and saw his Countdown to Retirement count and it is at 60. Wow! Today I am subbing for my Dad and his kids are doing independent work (thank goodness because I know nothing about drafting!) so I have been deleting email from my account. I had over 900 and have gotten it down to the 500 range. While going through them I have been reminded of the kinds words spoken by our friends during Mom's fight and since. You will never now how much your friendship, phone calls, cards, e-mails, facebook comments and prayers have meant to my family over the past 19 months. Nineteen months that were not what we expected. How much your love and care and hugs have meant. Somedays it is what gets us through the day. Thank you. We will never be able to thank you enough. You all are wonderful people.



Today at lunch I had an ice cream sandwich. For most people that isn't anything life shattering or anything but for me it brought back memories of my Mom. You see for one week while I was staying with her, that was about all I could get her to eat. I would go down to the cafeteria in the afternoon and would get either a regular ice cream sandwich or the cookies and cream kind and we would share it. Which meant that she would take a bite or two or three if I was lucky and then I would have the rest of it. It really made me miss my Mom (as if I needed anything else to help with that) and wish that I could get a hug from her. I need a hug and to hear her encouraging words. She could always make you believe that you could do no matter what it was that you set your mind to. She was just wonderful like that, don't you think?

Happy Valentine's Day

Roses are red.
Violets are blue.
We love you a lot
and we're missing you too.

I remember last years Valentine's day because I got to spend it with you.  I really wish I was spending this one with you too.  We spent time with Dad, Rae, Lou Ellen and GMom tonight but we were missing you so much.  Love you Mom.

11

‎11 months ago today. I remember that day so vividly. Some days it seems like yesterday and other days it seems like such a long time ago. Miss you Mom and love you so very much.

It's Been A While. . . . .

I know.  Sometimes it is just too hard to come over here and write about what is going on.  I know that a few of you still come by.  The month of January was hard with two funerals in two weeks.  As I said before, one of them had music from my Granddad's funeral and you could hear Mom singing.  It was a bittersweet thing.  It was great to hear her voice but so hard to know that the only way we will hear it is to listen to a tape.
I was looking back and my posts from this time last year.  We were so hopeful.  Mom seemed to be doing better, getting stronger, ready to come back home to us.  I really wish I knew what happened and why it happened.  We need her, there is no way around it.  I had a bad day yesterday and I really, really needed to talk to her.  I needed her to tell me things were going to be ok, that she loved me and that she would see me at church.  I woke up yesterday missing her so much.
Dad is winding up his last year of public school teaching.  I know he is ready and I know that he hadn't planned to spend his retirement alone.  I am worried about him and what he is going to do.  I remember listening to them talk about the trips they were going to take once he retired.  They were going to see the leaves change and they were going to go on an Alaskan cruise.  My heart hurts for him and for us girls.  Well, for everyone who loved her.  People say it gets easier with time but I don't believe it.  I know that in the past three years the pain I feel at the loss of our baby is still as strong as it was the day it happened.
Well, this isn't what I had planned on writing about but I guess it is just what was on my mind the most.

Singing

We listened to my Mom sing today.  Of course it was on a tape but it was beautiful just the same.  We miss her so much.

10 months

I can't believe that it has been 10 months already.  We have now made it through all of our birthdays, anniversarys, Thanksgiving and Christmas.  It has not been easy and the Christmas holidays were some of the hardest (at least for me) because Mom loved this holiday so much.  She loved getting the house decorated and having everyone together.  I miss Mom so much and I don't think that the pain of her being gone is ever going to get better.  I love you Mom and miss you so very much.

End of 2010

It is hard to believe that this time last year we were still at MD Anderson and thought that Mom would soon be coming home.  We had already been there for two months and spent two major holidays apart.  We left 2009 thinking that 2010 would be much better because Mom would be coming home soon.

We have now gone through everyone's birthday and the major holidays (except Valentines day).  The ache is still there.  I still spend a lot of time with tears in my eyes and hurt in my heart.  I hope that 2011 is better.
I hope that those of you who still stop by have a Happy New Year.